10 New Year Resolutions

Begin the New Year on a new note! Here are some resolutions for you! Add a little sunshine and plenty of smiles to people around you.

New Year is a time of fun and frolic to eat, drink and be merry. Don’t confine to the Epicurean life-style. Do enjoy yourself but don’t overindulge.

• Get in touch through handmade cards or the techno savvy e-mail with relatives and friends you can’t meet personally. Renew old bonds with long forgotten friends by sending New Year wishes to them.
• Dissolve differences which may have cropped up between you and your family members, friends and other relatives. Patch up and make up with people in your life. Life is too short to be wasted on grudges.
• Give up two weaknesses and faults you have been wanting to get rid of. Target atleast two tasks which you have been wanting to achieve for long time. It could be being punctual, avoiding procrastination or not delving in constant criticism.
• Resolve to devote at least fifteen minutes daily for your physical fitness. Not only ‘an apple a day’ but also some exercise everyday will help keep the doctor away!!
• Understand the value of time. Make a resolution to be methodical and systematic. Manage your time well so that you have some leisure for your hobbies.
• Take sweets, smiles and best wishes for the inmates of an old-age home. Spend some time with them.
• Call on the family of someone who was killed while doing his duty. Take some flowers as a token of your regard for them.
• Visit an orphanage. More than sweets give the children love and support. Being with them is bound to be a delightful experience for them and you.
• Join in the drive to eradicate illiteracy by enabling an illiterate to read and write in the coming year.
• If you are eligible, pledge to cast your vote in every election. This will strengthen democracy. 

Listen with care and learn well

Despite its centrality to professional success and personal fulfilment, listening is one of the most underrated aspects of effective communication. Dr. Ralph G. Nicols, who developed innovative classes on listening at the University of Minnesota, sheds light on our acquisition of poor listening skills: “It can be stated with practically no qualification that people in general do not know how to listen. They have ears that hear very well, but seldom have they acquired the necessary skills which would allow those ears to be used effectively for what is called listening”.

Although learning to be an effective listener is not an easy task, one can become a proficient listener by acquiring certain skills which go a long way to improve the quality of our listening.  Good listening involves mastering a cluster of skills, attending skills, following skills and reflecting skills. Attending is giving your physical attention to another person. Attending is non-verbal communication that indicates that you are paying careful attention to the person who is talking.

Attending skills include a posture of involvement, appropriate body motion, eye contact, and the creation of a non-distracting environment. Often we fail to comprehend what another person is saying because instead of ‘listening’ carefully we do most of the talking. Unfortunately, the average ‘listener’ interrupts and diverts the speaker by asking many questions or making many statements.

The ‘following’ skills that foster effective listening are ‘door openers’, ‘minimal encouragers’, ‘open questions’ and ‘attentive silence’. These skills enable the listener to keep the focus on the speaker’s communication.  A ‘door opener’ is a friendly invitation to talk. There are times when ‘door openers’ are not necessary. The speaker plunges right into his theme. Sometimes, however, you will sense that the other person wants to talk but needs encouragement.

At other times, the speaker will show the signs that he is unsure about continuing. A ‘door opener’ like this may help him proceed: “I am interested in hearing more about it”.

 ‘Minimal encouragers’ are words and phrases that aid the speaker to continue speaking. In the early stages of an interaction these words may be used more frequently to help the conversation gain momentum. The simple ‘mmhmm’ is probably the most frequently used of the minimal encouragers. That brief phrase can suggest “Please continue, I am listening and I understand”.

A skilled listener can communicate much empathy through voice and facial expressions even when only one or two words are said. To be a good listener one should also cultivate the art of questioning. But it should be kept in mind that questions should focus on the intent and concerns of the speaker instead of the listener’s orientation.

Another skill essential to good listening is the art of silent responsiveness. The silence of the listener gives the speaker time to think about what he is going to say and allows the speaker to proceed at his own pace.

Finally, the good listener responds reflectively to what the speaker is saying. Good listening involves the ability to respond reflectively. In a reflective response, the listener restates the feeling and/or  content of what the speaker has communicated and does so in a way that demonstrates understanding  and acceptance. There are four basic reflecting skills. Paraphrasing, reflecting feelings, reflecting meaning and summative reflections. Paraphrasing  focuses on the speaker’s content.

The reflection of feeling occurs when the listener concentrates on feeling words, infers feelings from the general content, ‘reads’ body language and asks, “How would I feel if I were doing and saying that?” And then mirrors the feeling back to the speaker. The combined reflection of feelings and the content is called the reflection of meaning.  Summative reflections are very condensed recaps of the most significant elements of a fairly long segment of conversation.

Clearly listening is not an innate talent or a God-given gift. Instead, it is a special skill that has to be acquired and can be honed through regular and systematic effort.

Learning the multiple skills listed above and integrating them into our day-to-day interactions will enhance our listening ability thereby leading to effective communication. 

WOMEN AND CAREERS-Empowering themselves

There are several factors why women today are seeking various professions; the initial one is that women themselves are emancipated and have left their predecessors far behind; numerous restrictions and taboos have been discarded for further evaluation; they are in the forefront and are able to compete with men in every field except those requiring manual labour. Women are shining in spheres requiring intelligence and are playing their part with merit and honour.

Education has brought enlightenment, application, competence; with a woman’s innate patience and perseverance, it has given her the fillip and skill to take up any profession and tackle any problems arising therein.

Education is one of the finest weapons we have; an educated woman makes a good wife and a mother, she can teach and educate her children to be responsible citizens, instilling in them all the finer qualities, which only education can give. A liberality of outlook and soundness of judgment are the assets to be derived from education.

Another contributing factor is the economic ‘crisis’ that faces everyone today. Women, in particular, have to battle against heavy odds on the domestic front and supplement the family budget. The increased cost of living and skyrocketing prices demand the pooling of resources and it is but fair for women to share a little of the burden, and help the main breadwinner. And with children, the demands are endless.

Besides, today’s generation is well-groomed and smartly turned out. Cosmetics are an essential feature of this ‘process’, and also a good range of apparel, with all the accessories which go with it. All this needs money. A woman gets a special thrill and the feeling of elation that cannot be matched when she can earn and spend!

All these demands can be met only with sufficient means, and so more and more women have taken to a vocation or a side-line that is remunerative and satisfying.

INNER URGE

Women are turning to professions because of a very important reason—a woman’s urge to ‘do something’. They do not wish to stagnate, to be left out of the fast-moving world of today. The world has shrunk with quick means of communication and travel. Women are restless with that inner urge, to put their minds to something. The average housewife of today is educated, her mind has opened out, often she is talented.

We come to the conclusion that women do not only work but need to work for reasons of earning a remuneration and keeping themselves busy.

The joy of thumri

Everyone is familiar with the song ‘Hamein tumse pyaar kitna…’ sung by Kishore Kumar in ‘Kudrat’ (1981), but few have heard the same song sung by Praveen Sultana in the same movie. This song is a wonderful example of ‘thumri’ style of singing.

‘Thumri’ is one of the genres of semi-classical Indian music. It is a combination of characteristics of classical and light music styles and has an identity of its own. It began in the royal courts of the nawabs of Lucknow in the 19th century and continues to resonate the world over. An example of thumari adapted to modern listeners is the theme song of ‘1920’ (2010), ‘vada tumse hai vada…’ that has touched the cords of many hearts. It is in classical form blended with a modern form.

Thumri lyrics, like ‘khayal’ and ‘dhrupad’ are taken from anecdotes and ‘leelas’ (episodes) connected with Krishna and Rama. The content is basically rooted in a rural ambience. The theme of thumri is generally love with its various manifestations like joy, satisfaction of meeting the beloved, complaint, doubt, jealousy, and anger at disloyalty, melancholy with the pangs of separation, optimistic with the hope of meeting him again and many many more.

‘Thumris’ are always based on ragas – specifically khamaj, desh, piloo, kaafi, jogiya, maand, pahadi, gara and shivranjani bhairavi. It is because the notes of these ragas and the emotions they arouse are suitable to express the mood of thumri.

Earlier, ‘thumris’ were mostly sung as accompaniments to Kathak dancing which presented the mood of the song visually. But the dance part is going out of fashion and the ‘bhavs’ (feelings) are expressed only vocally. Girija Devi and Shubha Mudgal are some of few singers who render ‘thumri’ with expertise and succeed in bringing out the latest and hidden emotions embedded in the lyrics.

Virtual World Live a ‘second life’

We live in a world where we have to follow certain social norms. It is fascinating if we get a chance to create a world of our imagination. There are a couple of websites that allow online users to create virtual worlds of their dreams with their online avatars. Users can control the activities of their online avatars, meet users like them and visit places created by others. Virtual Worlds are becoming increasingly popular among young online users.

Creating a virtual world is not difficult and one needs only a computer with an Internet connection. Registered users can create a virtual world of their own. They have to download the application and unleash their creativity and imagination in it.

Second Life is one of the most popular 3D platforms in which users meet real people in their online avatars and can travel to thousands of exciting places that are created by several online communities. One can design a personal 3D avatar and purchase designer clothes and fashion accessories for it from the virtual market places of the website.

IMVU offers 3-D avatar-based social networking websites where users can even furnish rooms and buy jewellery and gift boxes for their avatars and online friends. Online Users can even buy music and play in their virtual rooms to have a shared music experience with their online pals. The website features one of the largest user-generated virtual goods catalogues of more than ten million items.

Prices of virtual goods are comparatively low and most of the items cost less than $ 1 but these micro purchases add up. According to a US-based market research company, the market of virtual items is expected to grow from $ 1 billion (500 crore rupees) this year to $ 1.6 billion (800 crore rupees) next year.

Kaneva is a website that allows users to create their world and connect it with their friends on social networking websites. Habbo is a website where users can design hotel rooms and meet their friends in them. Users can adopt pets on Foopets.com and play with them. Users have to subscribe to premium services for Rs 250 a month to Rs 500 a month to take care of their pets. Activeworlds.com, smallworlds.com, meez.com, etc. are a few other popular websites which provide online users with a variety of online experiences in different ways.   

Flower power

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,

Old times is still a flying.

And this same flower that smiles today,

Tomorrow will be dying.

O fairest flower, no sooner blown but blasted,

Soft silken primrose fading timelessly. (Robeert Herrick)

Flowers are an eternal source of joy and happiness. Their petals reflect the soft feeling of heart. They are Nature’s pouring for her beloved. The green leaves promise a support and togetherness with selfless motive, an ingredient for a happy life. The fragrance of flowers is a depiction of a natural way of making someone happy while remaining silent.

Of course, the king of flowers is the ‘rose’— a cupid-struck heart will embrace the red rose. A ‘yellow one’ would extend a hand of friendship to new friends while a ‘white one’ is a symbol of truce. In fact, every rose is God’s autograph.

He has inscribed his thoughts in these marvelous hieroglyphics which sense and science have, these many thousand years, been seeking to understand.

She’s somewhere in the sunlight strong

her tears are in the failing rain,

she calls me in the wind’s soft song

 and with the flowers she comes again.

‘Flowers are God’s thoughts of beauty taking form to gladden mortal gaze.’ God smiled and ha! We had flowers!! Flowers are the sweetest things that God ever made and forgot to put a soul into. What would be this world without flowers? It would be a face without a smile; a feast without a welcome.

‘It is a common to feel that to cultivate a garden of flowers is to walk with God’, says Bovee. Further, flowers are  also  associated with ‘moral qualities’. It is said  that bright colours are associated with glossy aspects of life, which may turn out to be poisonous ones  but the nectar of a flower stands for ‘goodness’ which every human ‘bee’ should try to collect.

Thus, flowers are living preachers as quoted by Horace ‘your voiceless lips, O, flowers are living preachers — each leaf a book’. Then comes the healing effect of flowers. A bouquet of roses and lilies speak of a get-well soon prayer to the ailing. It is the passion of flower that is the only thing left untouched by long sickness and its chilling influence.

Fair daffodils

we weep to see you haste away so soon

as yet the early rising sun

has not attained his noon.

According to English mythology, the Muse- Euterpe, the Goddess of music is sitting on a heap of flowers, a thing which is far better to enjoy than to attempt to understand. Flowers are so endearing to us that we get immense pleasure in calling our dear ones as flowers.

But these delicate stars also reveal the saddest thoughts that ever occurred to the human mind and it is reflected as:

One thing is certain and the rest is lies;

The flower that once has blown for ever dies.

Flowers  are ‘the stars  of the earth’, are they not? As soon as the summer cools off and the winter breeze begins  cajoling through this part of the world the natural tapestry comes alive with vivid colours. The landscape is splashed with the bright colours of dahlias, marigolds, sunflowers, roses and chrysanthemums.

There is a mythological story that LOVE once went to FLORA, the goddess of flowers, to take the BEST FLOWER from her garden. Flora offered him the red rose that encapsulates the fleeting passion of romance, the sensuousness of youth. But LOVE refused to take the rose and instead asked for the flower that could reflect the grace of a person too. For love needs purity and serenity for its consummation.

FLORA offered a white lily to LOVE but again, to her utter surprise, it too was not accepted by LOVE, saying that it lacked the exuberant feeling of love. After great thought, FLORA mixed the red colour, passion and fragrance of the rose with the grace, and upwardly gait and serenity of  the lily, and  formed the LOTUS, a perfect combination of rose and lily. From time immortal, the  lotus has been the symbol of Indian culture and ethos.

Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge, Vishnu and Lakshmi all adore the lotus, symbolizing ‘passion’ with purity.

No doubt, the instinct and universal taste of mankind selects flowers for expression of its finest sympathies, making them the most fitting symbols of those delicate sentiments for which language seems almost too gross a medium.

Yes, it is not surprising a fact that flowers talk louder than words. People show their love and care through garlands of various flowers.

Another wonder flower is ‘the rhododendron’ which is said to fill every heart with beautiful feelings. There is a legend associated with it.

Once, an old man of the valley sent his daughter to a nearby village at the spring to a young man with whom he wanted to marry his daughter but the girl refused. So next year again, the father sent her to the young boy’s village, which was surrounded by rhododendron trees in full bloom. The lively colour of those scarlet flowers touched the woman’s sensitive heart and she fell in love with the young man and agreed to marry him.

In the Kumaon and Garhwal regions, a festival of flowers called ‘Phool Sanskriti’ is celebrated on the Hindu new year day in the month of Chaitra. On that auspicious day children decorate the thresholds of all the houses in their village and worship them with rhododendron flower offerings.

In his famous novel, ‘Shesher Kobita’ (the last poem) Rabindranath Tagore wrote in their praise:-

‘Clusters of rhododendron flowers

 on upright branches

proudly disregard

‘the red colours of the morning clouds’.

‘Rhodonendron’ is a Greek word combining ‘Rhodos’ and  ‘dendron’ meaning  ‘rose’ and ‘tree’, or flowers like the roses  growing on trees.

This flower is very important as its extract is believed to have blood-purifying and cooling effects. A tonic made of these flowers is said to slow down the ageing process. A strong decoction of its leaves is helpful in curing rheumatism, gout and nervous sciatica.

Even ‘shurbuts’, ‘chutneys’ and ‘curries’  are prepared from these  sour flower petals. The red juice extracted after crushing its petals is used in folk painting.

Essential flower oils recommended for various skin problems:

Skincare (General): Lavender, rose, rosemary camphor, rosewood, geranium.

Acne: Tea tree, lavender, spike lavender, rose, geranium, grapefruit, sandalwood, mints, basil, rosewood.

Dry acne: Lavender, spike lavender.

Astringent: Grapefruit, yarrow, rosemary and lime distilled.

Cleansing: Sweet basil, juniper, lemon, lemongrass, peppermint.

Dry: Carrot seed, cedar wood, jasmine, lavender, orange, rose.

Pimples: Tea tree, lemon myrtle, German Chamomile, rosemary.

Black-heads: Coriander, peppermint, lemongrass.

Scars: Carrot seeds, lavender, petit grain.

Wrinkles: Carrot seeds, fennel, rose, lavender.

Flower oils that ease unpleasant emotions:

To ease:                            Try:

Aggression:              Juniper, lemon, marjoram, rosemary.

Anger:                       Chamomile, jasmine, rose, rosemary.

Anxiety:                    Chamomile, lavender, orange, sandalwood.

Disappointment:     Jasmine, orange, rose.

Fear:                          Fennel, ginger, sandalwood.

Jealousy:                  Jasmine, rose.

Loneliness:             Benzoin, marjoram.

Fatigue:                   Basil, coriander, ginger, jasmine, juniper, orange, peppermint, rosemary.

Nervousness:         Coriander, orange.

‘E-invite’ guests with an ease

Planning an event is not an easy task. It involves a lot of work such as ordering food, decorating the venue and of course, inviting guests. If you are hosting a family event such as a wedding or a birthday bash, inviting guests is not that difficult but if it is a corporate event in which thousands of people are expected to attend, informing people about the event and inviting them becomes the toughest task. Some websites come to the rescue of event planners and managers. There are many free websites which school and college students can use to plan events in their institutes.

Users can create events and invite people and let them respond whether they are attending or not on the customised web pages of the events. And these pages can be created on websites like eventbrite.com, Ettend and Spalshthat.

Eventbrite.com provides users with many online tools to bring people together for an event. Users can create customised web pages for their events using their logos and images and add the who, what, when, where and why details. People can register and buy tickets online from the webpage and event managers can create and send bar-coded tickets using these tools.

When users visit this website then it automatically locates them through the IP addresses of their computers and tell them about events taking place in their respective cities. The website is popular in the United States of America (USA) but users can register their events for free from any part of the world. 

Using the Facebook app of the website, users can know which of their Facebook friends are going to attend a particular event. Eventbrite mobile applications allow event managers to know who is coming, print guests list and validate bar-coded tickets. Attendees too can access information using these apps. 

Splashthat users can track RSVPs of their guests and upload photos on the customised web page of the event. According to the website, its tools allow event planners to plan, budget, schedule, brainstorm, share files with team members, and more. Ben Hindman, the creator of event planning start up, says, “I discovered something peculiar about successful events: They never die. As an event planner, you have two equally crucial jobs: generate excitement leading-up to the big day and capture memories from the event that will live on forever.” The premium features of the website are priced and event planners can subscribe to all the features for Rs. 1200 a month.

Ettend.com provides similar features for free but if tickets for the events are priced then it charges a flat fee of Rs. 50 per ticket booked on the site. Other websites that can be useful for event planners are easyeventplanning, myevent, bedouk, etc.

What girls hate about boys

• Cannot hold his drink.
• Grouchy with compliments.
• Fights to show his strength.
• Show offs.
• Loud mouths/ eternal braggarts.
• A smoking geek.
• Two timing.
• Unmoved by sensitive movies.
• Has no respect for the opposite gender.
• Considers friendship with a girl as just another feather in his cap.

Fashion notes for every woman

Available today are scores of fashion magazines, both foreign and local, containing suggestions, illustrations and advice on how to be well dressed. As a result, it is heartening to find that a large percentage of women do spend time with their appearance and manage to achieve results that are eminently satisfactory. Colourful, gay and smart, they grace any occasion and are indeed a delight to behold.

However, there are other women who still find the business of getting an ensemble together difficult or nerve-racking, and who would, therefore, welcome a few practical hints.

With the vast assortment of fabrics—silk, cotton, wool and  man-made textiles—to choose from, and priced to suit every purse, there is no reason why good dressing and good grooming can not be achieved by each one of us.

No longer need the working girl envy her more fortunate and wealthy sister, for with sound commonsense, an eye for detail, and a little guidance, she too can be chic, confident and poised— secure in the knowledge that she is not a whit less attractive.

Though good taste and the ability to dress well is inherent in some—like a talent for painting or music-nevertheless those minus this gift can cultivate it and thus overcome any errors of judgement they might otherwise commit.

Despite the fact that America and England too are now going in for high couture and have their own fashion designers, yet France remains the leader in this particular field—with Paris as its hub.

In the West, exquisite and expensive custom-made clothes are the prerogative of the wealthy. We orientals have the advantage over them in being able to order ‘the tailor round the corner’ or one’s favourite ‘darzee’ to ‘run up’ an elegant dress or a cute choli in no time at all and at very little cost! The really good ones are surprisingly able and proud of their fine workmanship—seen in the beautiful finish given to the garments they make. And they are competent and will produce for you an exact replica of a Paris gown or a Chinese dress—in fact, just, about anything!

There are many who believe that a woman should fit herself to the prevailing mode and thus always be in fashion. This theory is fundamentally wrong, for certain styles are extreme, and look well only on the willowy mannequin—with the ideal figure for modelling and showing off clothes to advantage. Unfortunately, most of us do not fall in this envied category. So, the best thing we can do is to study ourselves and dress accordingly, instead of following the dictates of fashion blindly.

One can allow the general trend while modifying or eliminating unsuitable features so that what one wears is becoming to one’s own particular self. Thus, the world of fashion has finally arrived at the decision that the woman is more important than the dress she wears!

Pierre Balmain, French expert on women’s clothes was iodized by the elite of Europe for his magnificent ‘creations’. His ideas on points which we should remember if we are to appear elegant and attractive, are excellent guides to good dressing. We pass them on to you:

He says, ‘Fashion does not seek to change the woman. It is the changing woman and the clothes she requires for her mode of life that causes fashion to alter.’

Therefore, let your activities rather than your age govern the choice of clothes you buy.

But here too he feels that discretion and good taste are essential, as that which is suitable for a young, lithe teenager would hardly do for an elderly woman even though she is slimmer and spry.

First create the basic colour scheme of an outfit, and then introduce touches of colour to break the monotony and lend drama. ‘The more colours you put together, the more knowledge you need to do it successfully’, says Balmain.

The woman with a limited amount of money to spend on a wardrobe should go in for a few super ensembles—plain but smart. Ring the changes with a variety of interesting accessories.

The combination of colours in dress and choice of accessories is a fair indication of a woman’s personality, for they reflect her taste.

‘A small piece of real jewellery of good quality is better than a large piece of inferior quality’ insists Pierre. He also suggests that costume jewellery when used should be large and lavish.

Then, as a final word on the subject of fashion, Balmain admonishes that ‘a woman should never relinquish any of her weapons’ if she is to appear utterly feminine and desirable! This, I agree, is especially important as women today work side by side with men in business, profession or career, and it would be dull and tiresome if both sexes wore pants and swaggered around with a masculine air!

Decision –making

Decision-making is an integral part of life. We are all, consciously or subconsciously, constantly involved in decision-making. This means choosing from among two or more alternatives. It involves identifying and evaluating alternatives, selecting and implementing them and then following up on there.

Our decision-making behaviour is determined by the anticipated result of our actions. We operate according to well-established modus operandi that are not always appropriate. Most of us have a narrow vision of the alternatives available and are simply afraid of trying something new. Daily life is a constant process of decision making. Which range from out trivial and mundane ones, such as what to wear or eat, to crucial and important ones like whom to marry or what position to accept.

We feel our judgment is imperfect because we are prone to make poor decisions, even under the best of conditions. People become losers when they make a basic mistake at a turning point. A crucial error predisposes one to repeat the same mistake. Having gone in the wrong direction, we continue that way, going farther and farther away from our goals.

We become inextricably enmeshed in our mistakes. Life becomes more and more twisted. The only way out is to discover our original mistake and try to rectify it.

To become winners, we must judiciously weigh the advantages and disadvantages of each decision. We must operate from a cognitive rather than an emotional framework. We must develop confidence in ourselves. This will promote the confidence to decision make right. This lack of decision-confidence results in, hesitation and procrastination to make decisions.

We must develop confidence in our decisions. This means we need to firmly decide to do something and carry it through. There is, of course, an element of risk in this. What is required is decisional entrepreneurship. We need to learn to take risks.

Learn to be happy

Satisfaction defies precise definition. However, it implies enough quantity as well as quality. Enough is a dynamically relative term. What is enough for one may, and usually, not be enough for another. There is no uniformity or universality about ’enough’ or satisfaction.

 Moreover what is enough in a given situation or a set of circumstances may not be enough in another. The reception of satisfaction is like a mirage — a psychological illusion. The closer you get to it, the farther it moves or disappears altogether. It does not exist in absolute terms. It plays hide-and-seek with us. Sometimes it is there, sometimes not. It appears to be achievable and within reach but eludes us.

Frankly, no one (at least to the best of my knowledge and belief) has actually been able to achieve real satisfaction. We do achieve temporary or superficial satisfaction from things like a good meal, desired clothes or an object. However, we are never able to achieve sustained or lasting satisfaction, as it is short-lived, ephemeral and transient. If one were truly able to achieve it, it would be the much sought after nirvana — the purpose and achievement of life. After all, nirvana is the perceived ultimate in life.

It has been the dream of everyone from the sages of ancient days, emperors, people of outstanding distinction, philanthropists, socialites and ascetics to the modern-day common person. Everyone has tried to achieve it in his or her own way. Why is it not possible to obtain it? Well, a short answer to it is that it is related to the very core of human nature, which is insatiable, complicated, devious, selfish and unpredictable. Human nature being what it is, a person is never satisfied.

More often than not, satisfaction itself leads to dissatisfaction—that is, satisfaction leads to monotony. Also, one level of satisfaction inevitably leads to the next higher level of satisfaction, and levels of satisfaction are unending. If you do not have a bike, you want one. If you get a bike, you want a scooter, you want a car. You get a car, you want a better car. You get a better car, you want two, three and more cars.

Is it possible for a person to use two cars at the same time? Yet people acquire them in multiple numbers. A common person is a normal, average human being with needs, wants, desires, dreams and aspirations—needs and wants are what really create the most problems.

Need is a felt stage of deprivation. It is the discrepancy between the desired and the actual state. Needs are necessary for sustaining life. Need creates motive—the inner state that directs the individual towards the goal of satisfying need. Need moves an individual to take action to reduce the state of tension created by the lack of something necessary and useful to return to a state of equilibrium. Needs make the world go round. If there were no need for food, would anyone toil and work? Needs motivate people to take action towards goal-directed behaviour.

The goal, of course, is satisfaction. However, even before a need is partially satisfied, another need emerges, and another, and another which demand satisfaction. With the satisfaction of each need, the satisfaction level moves up.

For the ever-ascending levels of satisfaction, even the sky is not the limit. Remember, need depends upon existing possession and a satisfied need is no longer a motivator. Only unsatisfied needs can influence behaviour. Needs ‘need’ to be ‘satisfied’. Wants and desires, of course, mean greed.

Another way of looking at it is in terms of need-based and greed-based satisfaction. Needless to say, the former is easier to be achieved than the latter. As there is no end to needs and wants, there cannot be an end to the level of satisfaction. We can move towards it only by radically changing our perception of satisfaction. We need to understand the stark reality that human nature prevents us from being satisfied. We must consciously condition ourselves to tackle satisfaction achievement pragmatically.

We must stop being dissatisfied. We must learn to be satisfied with what we have rather than be dissatisfied about what we do not have. We must begin to see the brighter side of things. We must become optimists. We must consider ourselves fortunate and be thankful for having things others do not have rather than be jealous of and crib about what others have. Satisfaction is directly related to expectation. We must learn to curb and/or control our expectations. We must not create our expectations out of our flights of fantasy or over fertile-imagination.

We must endeavour to trim down our expectations to realistic levels. We must systematically educate ourselves to be satisfied. Once we learn to be satisfied with whatever we have, subsequent satisfaction achievements would be more gratifying and satisfying. Reaching satisfaction or not is, to a large extent, in our hands. Learn to do so and open the treasure-trove to satisfaction, happiness and bliss.

JUST SEVENTEEN, OR…

Girls, they say, are fascinating creatures at seventeen. Not quite a woman, and not quite a child, but an exciting mixture of the two.

But, from the viewpoint of this analysis, a 17-year-old  boy is a far better specimen.

We notice here too the combination of child and man. The only difference is that the 17-year-old boy is absolutely convinced that he’s a real MAN, while the girl, being a girl, might play up and act a little less than her age (mentally)—if that is possible.

Common Traits

Being individuals, people differ, but one finds some common characteristics in the ‘seventeen’ age-group.

Witness a typical day in the life of one of its members. Let’s call him ‘Anil’, though he prefers to be called Bongo. That, in the first place, is hardly our idea of being ‘manly’.

Our specimen wakes up around nine in the morning, the time varying with the hour of his late night achievements the night before.

One would be sceptical of the truth of these all-night orgies. More often than not, it is the age-old affliction of impressing the females and high-pressuring daddies.

Parents’ Threat

Bongo proceeds to wash. This is a rather elaborate process, as new harvests in the pimple crop have to be carefully detected. Being a product of the 20^th century, he refrains from reaping the harvest, and sophisticatedly dabs on some lotion.

Bongo shaves. A very ‘square’ threat from his parents to cut off his allowance if he didn’t……

Breakfast is a swallow of milk, and a disgruntled chewing of whatever else is aimed defiantly at him by parents who are worried about growing children.

Till 4 p.m. he attends college, or pretends to attend, as the mood takes him. The professors feel much safer and more normal when he stays away, for when he attends, more work gets undone than done.

Schemes to sabotage lectures vary from paper to paper, generally it is done by asking silly questions meant strictly for laughs.

Home again. Tea. Bongo roars, “Where is my tea?” This ritual being over, Bongo decides to visit a friend. Examinations are far away, so why study—the more you study, the less you know—and all that jazz, as he puts it.

Day’s Events

At his friend’s place the events of the day are religously reviewed and interpreted, ranging from the pretty ‘babe’ in First Year Arts to the latest dances, the latter being very expressively (or explosively!) demonstrated.

This session is charmingly interrupted by the arrival of his friend’s sister and the sister’s friend.

The latter looks like a real cool “bird” and our hero’s heart goes flap, flap. But being a disciple of the ‘I-don’t-care-a-jot’ technique, he ignores her and pulls at a ‘fag’ with the perfect bored expression on his face.

This lethargic situation goes on till the ‘bird’ innocently chirps: “Boys who can foxtrot these days are so rare.” A real-attention-catcher, this Bongo asks the ‘bird’ to ‘fly.’

Whereupon she giggles, and condescends to dance. Bongo is not even a mild version of Govinda or Prabhudeva.

Some Dancing

After a few sessions of stepping on delicate toes and spouting equally delicate apologies, the ‘bird’ screeches: “Are you a horse?”

The reaction is deliberately lazy: “Maybe.” But this ‘bird’ can go back to the ‘nest’ she came from, he seethes, inwardly.

Needless to say, the thoughtless remark ruins his sleep for many nights. His sensitivity sorely injured, he plunges into a murderous mood.

Dinner is a strained meal from all angles. Left hand upon nose, Bongo sits and swallows, or rather, picks at vegetables brimming over with sadly contrasting vitality. Bongo is a broken man.

But weep not, for ‘where there is life, there is hope’. Moreover, Bongo is 17—remember? A few days pass by, and Bongo’s mind is teeming with unholy thoughts of revenge.

He’s heard that it is the “bird’s” birthday the next day. Persuading his pals to aid and abet his ‘operation revenge’ is an easy task.

Sweet Revenge

And the dawn breaks. Bongo rushes around with speed putting hurricane ‘Besty’ to shame. The moment arrives. The lady arrives. As she non-chalantly drifts through the college gate, she is greeted by an insistent ‘neigh-neigh’; shouts of ‘Here comes the nightmare’ are chanted to the tune of ‘Here comes the bride!’

Someone asks how old she is and is told to get it from the horse’s mouth.

The lady retreats….silently.

After all this, Bongo expects everyone to believe that he is grown-up, a man-of-the-world with and air that would make Shah Rukh Khan and Sunny Deol retire (permanently).

Reebok, Puma, Tommy Hilfieger, Pulsar, Harles Davidson, BMW, deadly “dames,” the quicksilver red sports-car—you name it, Bongo’s got it…that’s what he thinks, or what is more likely, dreams about.

Perhaps it’s because men are only boys at hearts.

(This is not a diatribe against men. After all, seventeen-year-olds grow up one day; and then what would girls do without them!)

OF BOOKS AND AUTHORS

American novelist, Earnest Hemingway was paid £ 14,000 for a single short story.

The  detective  novelist, Edgar Wallace, earned between £50,000 and £100,000 a year.

Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of Sherlock Holmes, lived in a large country house, and after his death (1930), his heirs received royalties in around 50 different currencies. His stories were sold for over £500 each. A magazine in the USA even paid him £1 per word for each of a series of six 3,500-word stories.

Somerset Maugham, English author, earned two million pounds during his career as a writer.

George Bernard Shaw, British dramatist and critic, left more than £300,000 when he died; Thomas Hardy, English novelist and poet, £91,000; John Galsworthy, English author £88,000.

John Braine’s book ‘Room at the Top’, sold half a million copies and its film rights alone earned him £5,000. Eric William’s ‘The Tunnel’ was another instant success, which sold about 263,000 copies.

Dale Carnegie’s first book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, was written on practical experience. He was turned down by 17 publishers. Finally, a publishing company, Simon and Schuster, agreed to buy the book. So far, about 7,000,000 copies of the book have been sold in hardback alone.

E. Phillips Oppenheim, a prolific writer, in 50 years of his writing career, published 150 books, hundreds of short stories, series and articles.

J.R.R. Tolkein, a professor at Oxford, was correcting a set of examination papers. He scribbled down a sentence on paper which was bothering him…… “in a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit”. With the sentence in mind, he started a fairy story, which is now popularly known as ‘Hobbit’ books.

Blemishes That Worry Us

No one is born with perfect features. Most of us wish we could have so and so’s eyes or have a nose just a little shorter or a figure like the girl down the block. True, clever dressing, a good hair style and perfect make-up can alter one’s features and personality. So can a cosmetic operation do away with wrinkles, shorten that nose, or remove hidden marks and scars.

But there are a few of us who suffer from certain irregularities about which we can do very little. It would be wise to accept them than moan over them. There is no truly beautiful woman in the world. Often it is some irregularity which makes us different and gives us our own distinctive personality. Here are some of the blemishes that worry us:

Greasy Skin

Pimples: These are common on the greasy skin. Teenagers and young people are affected by it. This is because of over-activity by the old glands resulting in an abundance of oil secretion that blocks the pores. Scrupluous cleanliness and diet is the treatment.

Acne: This is a skin infection and needs the attention of a doctor. You may have to restrict your make-up and use a medicated lotion or soap. It is particularly important to get medical attention instead of picking and bruising the skin.

Variscose veins: These may appear on the face though they are most common on the legs. They may appear as a spidery network under the eyes and can be covered up by make-up. Otherwise medical attention may be necessary.

Scars: Scars can be covered up by make-up or removed by plastic surgery. Surgery is expensive and should be resorted to, only if the person is badly scarred and disfigured.

Allergy: Allergy is very common and its reaction can be slight or violent. Often a chemical in the make-up or hairdye that one has used is the irritating factor in causing allergy. This is due to hyper-sensitivity. There are some women who are so allergic to powder that their face breaks into bumps and rashes. Similarly an allergy to lipstick may cause the face including the lips to swell. Avoid the item that causes allergy.

Eye Test

Red weepy eyes: Strain, headache and poor diet affect one’s eyes. An eye examination may reveal the cause of the trouble; eye drops may be helpful in clearing up the whites of the eyes. No eye make-up will look good on such types of eyes. So, prompt treatment is a must.

Split nails: Nails that break easily indicate a lack of calcium in the body, or due to a faulty diet. A packet of gelatin taken daily in a glass of water may be effective. Keep your nails short and trim them regularly.

Dark circles under the eyes: Poor health, lack of sleep and strain of any kind may cause this complaint. Certain conditions as anaemia, studying rigorously for examinations temporarily causes dark circles under the eyes. They are best camouflaged by make-up or treated medically.

Freckles: This is due to over-exposure in bright sunlight. Those with delicate skins and colouring generally suffer from freckles. Bleaching the skin with lime juice may cause them to fade a little.

Moles: These are hairy, dark birth marks, about which one can do very little. Sometimes a small mole on the face can look quite attractive, large hairy moles can be removed surgically.

Rough skin: The skin that is rough and peels off easily occurs in those persons with a delicate skin. Gentle creams or lotions applied on the skin aids in healing.

Lines: This appears to give the face or hands an aged look. To avoid their formation, it is important to be thorough in cleansing and creaming. Enriched, nourishing creams and other moisturised lotions may prove useful.

Patches on the skin: These patches may be dark or light in colour. There can be many reasons for this upset, the common ones being an emotional upset of some sort or a faulty diet. Poor eating habits and certain internal conditions may cause the formation of these patches.

Superfluous hair: This is one of the most common blemishes. Whether on the face, arms or legs, superfluous hair is an embarrassing and agonizing problem to the person tainted by it. A copious growth of hair can be permanently removed by electrolysis which is both an expensive and a long treatment. Other methods are by heat, which is temporary, shaving for under-arms and legs or by bleaching with peroxide.